Totally and Completely Incomprehensible

I don’t know if everyone feels the way I feel when embarking on new stages of life, but it’s interesting to look back at those times of going through major changes. With at least three of the major changes that I’ve experienced so far, I’ve had a difficult time really picturing myself in the new situation. Even if I know more or less what it will be like, there’s the lack of experience factor that makes the future more akin to a sci-fi movie than to my soon-to-be everyday life.

When I was about to get married, I knew my husband-to-be well and had a pretty good idea of what our life would look like for that first year. But still, until I walked down that grassy aisle and was pronounced “Mrs. Carter”, I just couldn’t fathom what it would be like to be married. As a friend of mine very aptly put it, the thought of being married was “totally and completely incomprehensible”! I felt the same way when I was preparing for our first child to be born. For eight months my stomach had been growing and moving of its own accord, but I just couldn’t comprehend somehow that I would really be a mom till the red, squeaking baby was placed in my arms.

The third major life change was, of course, moving overseas and becoming a “real” missionary for the first time. After years of childhood dreams in which I was everything from an Amy Carmichael to a George Müller, I was finally going to get overseas, learn a new language, and help bring the Gospel to the dark corners of the earth. This time there were many unknowns, thus heightening the “incomprehensible” aspect of my future. But I’d been around missionaries and MKs long enough to have picked up a few things, so I wasn’t completely clueless.

I knew that it would be hard to be away from family. I had watched a guy I dated in college, an only child, as his parents left him in the US for their mission work in Africa. It really hit me then that this leaving family thing might be tougher than I thought! I loved my family, but I’d never had much trouble with homesickness before, and had happily gone off to a college that was a fourteen hour drive from home. Yet watching this family’s tears as they parted ways made me realize that this was a big deal.

Now, having been overseas for about two years, I’ve already had tears of my own at being so far from home. It’s not just that you miss people, but you miss their life, and they miss yours. That was the part I hadn’t really thought about. I didn’t realize that my child’s experience of grandparents would be only seeing them on a computer screen for her first few years of life. And I didn’t realize how much I would miss sharing that time of her life with family. I didn’t realize the lack of closure involved when you miss funerals. I’ve now missed 3 of my grandparent’s funerals while overseas. Missing the event isn’t all that tough, but when you go back home and their place is suddenly empty, your brain has a tough time understanding what has happened. And then missing weddings! When I heard that my husband’s parents had missed more than one sibling’s wedding because they were overseas, I was horrified. How could anyone do such a thing?! I’m really thankful that John made it back for his sister’s wedding in May this year. But between us we have six more unmarried siblings, and the chance of them all working their big days around our furlough schedule seems pretty slim.

I knew that I would have to eat different food as a missionary. But I thought I could handle about anything if I had to. Bugs? Slugs? Rotten eggs? Sheep dung soup? Sure, I could eat most things and not die. And there were plenty of foreign dishes that I really liked, so I’d be happy to try whatever came my way! What I didn’t realize is that I might have to give up foods that I liked. Eating new foods is one thing, but giving up pizza, chocolate chip cookies, bacon, peaches, grapes, apple pie – surely not! Fortunately here in Ukarumpa we are able to get lots of “normal” food (well, most of the time…). So I haven’t had to give up pizza and cookies completely, though they are much more expensive to make here than back home. But imagine not eating a single grape or a mouthwatering southern peach for more than a year! You can ask my mother-in-law how many peaches I downed when we came back for Tikvah’s birth – I think I was kind enough to keep it down to 3 or 4 a day.

I have to admit, I’m missing home right now. That first Christmas we spent here in Ukarumpa was pretty rough for me, and I’m not really looking forward to spending another one here. There are plenty of things to look forward to though – high-school Christmas concerts, special programs, lots of random activities, and last time there was even a group of carolers wandering the streets of Ukarumpa. I’ll do my best to make it fun and happy for John and myself, but I know I’ll still miss being home with family and sharing that time with them. Looks like this year it will be the “If only in my dreams” line of “I’ll be home for Christmas” for me.

There are things I love here. Yesterday I was in the office and thoroughly enjoyed helping people out and working on People Profiles for groups that don’t yet have a Bible translation. And as I was chatting with my coworker, swapping our worst puking-while-out-on-survey stories, I thought, “who knew I would be having this kind of conversation as a missionary!” It really is amazing to be here. It’s just that, a few times a year, I wish here wasn’t quite so far away from home.